Earlier this month I celebrated my 34th birthday. Since it is not a “milestone” birthday, it didn’t provoke lot of excitement or dread but it did signal that my early thirties are drawing to a close. Even though the birthday didn’t stir up too many emotions, it was an opportunity to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned so far in my thirties.
Here are the most meaningful lessons with which I am exiting my early thirties.
The importance of positivity, inspiration & gratitude
I have found that when I am trying to accomplish something having the right mindset is crucial. Exposing myself to positivity, faith, and inspiration is a key component to putting me in the right headspace. As I shared in another blog post about how I get myself out of a mom funk, I have spent the year listening to motivational books and speakers.
My latest read was Jen Sincero’s You Are a Badass. I listened to the audio version and loved her perspective and clear actions steps to take charge of life.
Don’t Wait. Just Start. Don’t Stop
One of the biggest things I have taken away from the motivational and inspirational content I have consumed is that the only way to get ahead is to get started. If I wait and overthink everything then nothing will get done. Many people fail because they give up too soon. “Don’t wait. Just start. Don’t stop” is the mantra I have used this year to remind me to stay the course.
I am the only person who can create the life I want
No one else can create a happy life for me. I am responsible for designing a life that feels good to me. If I want to feel good in my jeans, I need to do the squats. If I want my kids to grow up feeling that their mother was joyful and grateful, I have to be joyful and grateful. If I want to create a life that inspires me, I have to take the action steps to get me there.
I have to push through the guilt that comes with investing in myself
Mom guilt. We hear about it all the time and that is because it is so prevalent and so heavy. As a stay-at-home mom, mine comes in the form of not contributing financially (like I used to) to provide my children with vacations and extracurricular activities as well as guilt about spending any amount of money or time away from them.
Some of us (myself included) are lucky enough to be reminded by the people that love us that we shouldn’t feel like this.
But this year has taught me the importance of making investments in myself so that I can show up for my kids as the joyful mother I want to be (see above).
To have faith in my children and their growth
I stressed all summer about sending my son to full-day preschool. It kept me up throughout the night wondering how he would handle that much time away from home. The first month was hard, which validated my fears. But after giving it a little time, I am in awe of how wonderful school has been for him. His vocabulary and socializations skills have blossomed more in the past few months than ever in his life.
This year I have learned the importance of presenting my children with opportunities and letting them rise to the occasion.
When things get loud, get quiet
When my children are screaming and shouting, I am often tempted to end it all by shouting myself. But that just increases the chaos. However if I kneel down, and calmly ask my boys what is going on, it’s amazing how quickly they lower their voices to explain their concerns.
Like everyone, they just want to be heard.
Comparison really is the thief of joy
Nothing good comes when I start to compare myself, my children, my home, my blog, or anything else. When I feel comparison creeping in, I remind myself to stop and find gratitude for the abundance of good in my life.
It is also helpful to remember that none of us have a window into someone’s full picture. I’m not privy to someone else’s struggles, their fear, or their hard work. Nor are they privy to mine. We are all doing the best we can.
I do not know what other people are actually thinking. And if I did, it wouldn’t matter.
I still really struggle with this but it’s something I am actively working on. I can’t count the number of times that my fear of other people’s opinions has paralyzed me.
This year, I have continued striving to put my own opinion of myself ahead of my perception of what other people are thinking. Furthermore, I have to remind myself that if someone actually is thinking all those thoughts I’m afraid of, that’s not my problem.
It’s Just Laundry
Laundry: It piles up, it sits in baskets, on beds, and clutters my head and mind. It makes me feel like I just can’t keep up with life. But when it comes down to it, it’s not a reflection of me or my ability to parent. In fact, leaving those (clean) shirts unfolded allows me to have more time to spend with my sons. We fold it when we can, but I have come to terms with the fact that I don’t want to spend significant chunks of my day matching tiny socks.
The final thing I have learned in my early thirties is that implementing each of these lessons will always be a work in progress. But they have become cornerstones of how I want to live my life and I will always be able to reference them for guidance.
I’m happy to be the tiny sock matcher for you.